December 13th- The End

The frozen River Voronezh at sunset on the Last Day.

Well, dear readers, my time has come to a close here in Russia. It’s been a hectic last few weeks here, so forgive me the lack of posts this month. I just got my hair cut, I’m starting to get packed, our exams are over, grades are in, and it’s finally starting to hit me that my time in this city, so dear to my heart, is coming to an end. The next 24 hours here are going be filled with heartrending goodbyes, tears, and friends parting for the last time. I am not looking forward to it. Every time I walk around the city, I see and hear the echoes of the memories that I’ve filled this town with. Each park has a story, each building, store and shop a special place in my heart. It will be a hard goodbye. Probably the hardest I’ve ever had in my life. There’s no, “See you next year!” For most of us, this is it.

But enough of being sentimental. I’m in a brooding mood, but I’m sure no one wants to hear my ramblings about how sad I am to leave the place of so much past happiness. So, I suppose I should focus this last post (indeed, this will be the last) on something of a reflection on what I’ve learned and experienced while I’ve been here. A kind of summary if you will. Geographically, I’ve canvassed Russia pretty well. In the north, I’ve been 50 miles from the border of Finland in St. Petersburg. In the south, we were 5 km from the Georgian border on Mt. Elbrus. We made it the vast distance to Irkutsk in the east, farther from Moscow than San Francisco is from Washington DC. Finally, in the west, is Voronezh. We are actually really close to Ukraine here, and on the trip south to the Kafkaz, part of the railroad is half on Russian soil, half on Ukrainian soil. That’s about as far west as you can go I’d say… But I feel that the geographical aspect of this trip serves best as a metaphor for the width and breadth of experiences that I’ve accrued. Many of these experiences are ensconced in this fairly comprehensive blog, but there are always the little happenings that seem unworthy of a mention here that may have had a large effect on my life/outlook/etc. Sometimes you can’t see the forest for the trees, I suppose.

Ok, in keeping with the disjointed nature of this post, I’m now on the plane home (home used in a broad sense), somewhere over Greenland, and I figured I should make some more headway on this reflection. The good bye was brutal, but we had a great turn out. All the Russian Cadets where there, all of our guys had at least one girl there to see them off, I had my Amy, and there was even a holy fool there, replete with bare feet in the snow begging for alms. So very Russian. It was a tearful goodbye, and the last day was pretty terrible as well. The night before, like something out of a fairy tale, the Voronezh River had frozen solid. In one night. For all I know, this could be normal, but the St. Johns River isn’t really known for its ice fishing prospects, so forgive my lack of experience in these matters. Either way, it provided an incredible backdrop for my last walk along the river, complete with multicolored sunset straight out of Siberia. Voronezh, being keen to make my last day something special, gave me not only physical beauty but spiritual as well. Having promised Amy that we’d go see the cathedral near school one day, we finally made it, albeit only hours before I left… better late than never, I say! I was intending only to show her the beauty of the place (which is covered in gold, icons, and other Orthodox things that really do a lot for a place of worship in my opinion) but again, Voronezh had other plans. Apparently we’d accidentally chosen the candle light choral service. A bit hard to describe, but it was essentially ten Russian Orthodox priests standing in a circle in the middle of the church singing in conjunction with a women’s choir hiding in the wings some hidden corner of the church. The acoustics were superb and you really felt as if a choir of angels was responding to the chants of these priests.

Ok, so I feel like this should be my last contribution to this reflection as I am now in America, at school, and truly finished. Everyone I see here asks me, “How was your semester abroad? Did you have fun?” I find that I’m at a loss to describe it. Yes, I had fun. Yes, I learned a lot, especially Russian and about Russians. But what I truly experienced, what I truly saw, felt, and learned can’t be explained in the context of a normal conversation. Someone who has been stuck here at school for the past four months can’t possibly understand the freedom, the brilliance, the sheer vivacity of living abroad in Russia. It is beyond their mental capabilities; as it would have been beyond mine just a few months ago. Now that I’m home, it’s hard to believe that just three days ago I was walking the streets of Voronezh, enjoying the beauty and soaking up the atmosphere. But looking back, I realize that I’ve seen a lot of life these past months. I have lived, truly lived in every sense of that word, in a foreign country with a family who didn’t speak my language. So many things that go with living with freedom I did for the first time in Russia. I bought my first cell phone, bought plane and train tickets, booked hotel rooms, went camping, made reservations, cooked, made toasts, etc. (and many other things that probably shouldn’t be put on the internet). These are all things that I imagined I wouldn’t be doing for quite some time, and definitely not in Russian. Being in Russia forced me to grow up in some ways and helped me retain my youth in others. I know that for the last year and a half at West Point, I will be able to use the memories made and the life lived in Voronezh to help me through to the end.

Well, my readers, it’s time for me to go, to put an end to this blog now that my trip is at a close. I’m as sad about ending this as I was about to saying goodbye to the people and places that I’ve come to love. But time goes on and the time has come, so there’s no reason to delay. Thank you!

Best Wishes,

Christopher Hawkins